The Slow, Silent Killer
(How Self-Pity Sneaks In and Steals Your Power)
(How Self-Pity Sneaks In and Steals Your Power)
Let’s call it what it is.
Self-pity is a thief.
It feels justified. It feels safe.
But it slowly poisons your hope.
It silences your courage.
And it convinces you to stay stuck.
It feels justified. It feels safe.
But it slowly poisons your hope.
It silences your courage.
And it convinces you to stay stuck.
Here’s the tricky part: it often wears the disguise of rest or reflection.
But if you're honest with yourself...
You know when it’s turned into rehearsing pain instead of healing from it.
You know when it’s become your identity instead of your temporary emotion.
But if you're honest with yourself...
You know when it’s turned into rehearsing pain instead of healing from it.
You know when it’s become your identity instead of your temporary emotion.
And listen—I get it.
You’ve been through hell.
You’ve carried things no one saw.
You’ve held your family together, your heart together, your mind together... with duct tape and prayer.
You’ve been through hell.
You’ve carried things no one saw.
You’ve held your family together, your heart together, your mind together... with duct tape and prayer.
But hear me: you don’t have to camp in the pain just because it’s familiar.
Self-pity doesn’t lead to freedom.
It leads to apathy.
To victimhood.
To waking up five years from now in the same cycle, still waiting for someone to rescue you.
It leads to apathy.
To victimhood.
To waking up five years from now in the same cycle, still waiting for someone to rescue you.
Here’s how to start shifting out of it when it creeps in:
1. Catch the Narrative.
Listen to the story you’re telling yourself.
Is it full of “why me,” “I’ll never,” “they always”?
Stop. Pause. Flip the script.
Listen to the story you’re telling yourself.
Is it full of “why me,” “I’ll never,” “they always”?
Stop. Pause. Flip the script.
2. Move Your Body.
Even a 10-minute walk can break the emotional loop.
You’re not powerless. Movement reminds your brain of that.
Even a 10-minute walk can break the emotional loop.
You’re not powerless. Movement reminds your brain of that.
3. Speak Out Loud What You Can Control.
“I can choose how I respond today.”
“I can make one powerful decision.”
“I can ask for help without shame.”
“I can choose how I respond today.”
“I can make one powerful decision.”
“I can ask for help without shame.”
4. Interrupt the Isolation.
Self-pity feeds in the dark. Connection is light.
Text a friend. Join a group. Say the hard thing out loud.
Self-pity feeds in the dark. Connection is light.
Text a friend. Join a group. Say the hard thing out loud.
5. Pray or Journal Honestly.
Not the polished version. The messy, real one.
God doesn’t need your filter—He wants your heart.
Not the polished version. The messy, real one.
God doesn’t need your filter—He wants your heart.
You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to feel.
But you are not meant to stay in that pit.
You are powerful. Even now.
Even in the middle of the mess.
But you are not meant to stay in that pit.
You are powerful. Even now.
Even in the middle of the mess.
Don’t let self-pity steal one more inch of your future.
Have you ever felt like something is trying to keep you small, stuck, and afraid? Like there’s a war raging inside your mind, pulling you between the hope of who you were created to be and the fear that keeps you trapped in the shadows? That war is real. The battle for our mind is one of the most intense struggles we face, and it’s not just about our thoughts—it’s about our destiny.
The Invisible War
There is a force in this world that wants to keep you locked in fear, insecurity, and self-doubt. It whispers lies that tell you you’re not enough, that you’ll never heal, that your past defines you. These forces—whether you call them darkness, the enemy, or limiting beliefs—do everything they can to prevent you from stepping into the light of your full potential. Why? Because when you rise into confidence, clarity, and purpose, you become unstoppable.
On the other side of this battle is truth—light, freedom, and peace. You were designed with purpose, with strength, and with the ability to overcome. The struggle for your mind is not just about thoughts; it’s about whether you will live as the powerful creation you were meant to be or stay trapped in a cycle of fear and limitation.
The Weapons of Darkness: Fear, Lies, and Isolation
The enemy of our mind works in subtle but powerful ways. Here are three of the biggest tactics used to keep us bound:
- Fear – Fear keeps us paralyzed. It tells us it’s safer to stay small than to take a risk. It convinces us that stepping into something new will only bring pain.
- Lies – The voice of darkness is full of deception: “You’re not good enough. You’ll always be broken. You don’t have what it takes.” These lies keep us stuck in self-doubt.
- Isolation – When we feel alone in our struggle, it becomes easier to believe the lies. Isolation magnifies pain and makes us think we have to fight alone.
Breaking Free: The Path to Mental and Emotional Freedom
The good news is that we are not powerless. We can reclaim our minds, our emotions, and our identity. Here’s how we start breaking free:
- Recognize the Battle – The first step to victory is awareness. When we acknowledge that there is an active force trying to keep us stuck, we can begin to fight back.
- Replace Lies with Truth – Every time a negative thought or fear creeps in, replace it with truth. “I am enough. I am strong. I am capable. My past does not define me.”
- Surround Yourself with Light – Healing happens in connection. Find a supportive community, a mentor, or a coach who will remind you of your worth and challenge the false narratives in your mind.
- Take Bold Action – Fear loses its power when we move forward despite it. Even small steps toward your goals and healing can break the chains of mental bondage.
Step into the Light of Your True Identity
You were created for more than a life of fear, doubt, and mental torment. The battle for your mind is real, but so is your strength. Darkness may try to hold you back, but the light within you is greater. When you step into truth, freedom, and confidence, you don’t just break free for yourself—you become a beacon for others to follow.
It’s time to rise. To fight. To reclaim the mind and the life that was always meant to be yours.
You are powerful. You are worthy. And you are not alone.
Day 30 is a day late, but better late than never, right?
Yesterday was an incredibly great day filled with lots of fun stuff both personal and work-related, but it was also a very long day and I was exhausted by the end of it. Some days are like that - simply wonderful but also zap your energy. The biggest realization from the day was being reminded of the fact that I got to choose the day - every last bit of it. It was filled with all kinds of happenings ... helping family, meeting up with someone new, brainstorming business, brainstorming and planning networking ideas, finishing a great audio book, making a few deliveries, having dinner with my husband and son, and then, getting to see the grandpups. Days like this are amazing!
Life holds so many beautiful gifts. I was going to reflect on some of my observations from this past month, but maybe I'll do that in the next coming weeks. Right now, my focus in these past 24-48 hours has primarily been gratitude, and I just can't shake the feelings that come with that. These past 2 days haven't been perfect. There were a few not-so-great moments, but they pale in comparison to the fact that I'm surrounded by so much goodness.
Truthfully, this month has been a series of ups and downs, and if you've been following along, you've heard about some of both ends of that spectrum. That being said, I still can't help but go back to gratitude, even through the rough patches.
As I sit here typing, I'm thinking back further through the years and remembering some of the pain. It's not fun to revisit the pain. For a long time, I wouldn't have told you I was grateful for it. It's taken me years to find gratitude for situations that were outside of my control but that caused deep, painful wounds.
Maybe you're struggling with finding gratitude in the messiness of life. If so, I want to tell you that it's ok. It's ok if you can't see the goodness in many areas of your life. It's ok if you only see ashes instead of beauty right now. It's ok if you don't know what you see and feel. I believe God is still there even if you don't see or feel Him. I believe this because I found His care and provision in places I didn't see it at the time, and I don't believe I'm any more special than the next person, so I believe He is there for you, caring and providing even if you can't see it right now.
These past 30 days have shown me a deeper level of understanding with the big picture of life. I've seen goodness in the little daily things. I've found glimpses of God in my interactions with family and friends (both old and new), as well as with strangers. I've seen that if I open my heart to trust again, people worth trusting will show up, and if I apply wisdom to that, I can build strong and trustworthy relationships. Ultimately, I've discovered that what we focus on is what will manifest in our lives. If all we focus on are the ugly parts of life, then the ugly parts will continue to show up at the forefront of our thoughts and minds. If we focus on what's good (despite the imperfect parts), we'll start to see more goodness in ourselves and others.
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you." - Philippians 4:8-9
I can't believe this month is almost over. In some ways, it seems as if it's lasted a long time, and in other ways, it seems like it's flown by.
Aside from the October through December fall and holidays months, April is my next favorite month. Maybe, it's because it's my birthday month, and I love to party and celebrate. Regardless of why, I think this particular April might be one of my overall favorites. Even with all the ups and downs, I have thoroughly enjoyed this month. Choosing to do this 30-day journey might just be the reason why this particular April has seemed so great.
For years now, I've been searching for a way back to how my relationship with God was as a young person. It was so carefree and spontaneous. I trusted deeply and believed fully that God's love was amazing. My inner relationship with Him was very different from what I was being taught it should be, and I didn't care. What I experienced was deeper than anything I had with any other human, and that's all that mattered.
Somewhere along life's journey into adulthood, I lost hope and I lost trust. I let the words and actions of others erode away at my thoughts and beliefs. I let those words and actions that were meant to tear me down do just that. I allowed myself to stay way too long in places I knew I didn't belong, and I accepted negative words that were said to me, and about me, and allowed them to take root in my heart and mind, and I settled into a belief around them - a belief that was untrue and damaging. This belief set the stage for much doubt and fear and a completely mistaken view of who God was and who He created me to be.
I realize now that my mistaken views about my identity is a big part of my lack of faith in the One who created me.
A few years ago, I was talking to one of my dearest friends and she pointed out one of my strengths (an interpersonal skill) she had observed and mentioned that it was a real gift. She then went on to say, "but I think you already know that." I got a little choked up because as she was talking I was searching my mind for ways to downplay it as if that wasn't all that important, but in that moment, I felt as if God was giving me a message that He hadn't lost faith in me even if I had lost faith in myself, and even if I had lost trust in Him.
That conversation was the start of something way bigger than I could have realized. It was a big step in my way back to belief.
The past 29 days in this month of April have shown me so many more things than I ever expected. Tomorrow, I will reflect on some of them.
Tonight, I'm going to rest in the fact that I am loved. No matter what I've done or what's been done to me, God's love is still there for me.
"Love never fails." - I Corinthians 13:8a
Processing. That's pretty much been my day ... a day filled with processing. A few hours ago, I thought for sure that with all the thoughts that have been running through my head today I would undoubtedly be able to make sense of something useful to share, but alas, I'm sitting here, and I've got nothing. Haha!
Do you ever find yourself like that with so many thoughts that keep running circles in your mind?
Since I'm lacking in sharing any one cohesive thought, maybe I'll just share some of what's been taking up all this space in my head today.
Here's a small list of just some of those things:
- Sorting out my schedule in a way that brings productivity and the ability to serve others more
- The idea that there is a huge spiritual shift (for good) happening in our world and much of it is happening outside the church (buildings)
- Hashing out my theory on the Divine design of our bodies and how some serious diseases are our bodies way of warning us and also keeping us safe/helping us survive
- Sharing and supporting in some small parts of others' healing journeys
- Getting clear on how I want to show up in the world and bring value to the lives of others
- Still contemplating the movie "Unsung Hero" we watched on Wednesday night and wondering how I can better apply some of those principles of faith in my own life
- Wondering how I can help one of our local networking groups make better connections in our community
Those were just the big things. It was very much like a ping-pong tournament in my head today bouncing from one thought process to another and back again. Some days are just like that, I suppose.
For now, I'm going to go grab my sleep aids and hope this brain shuts off so I can get some rest.
