I can't believe this month is almost over. In some ways, it seems as if it's lasted a long time, and in other ways, it seems like it's flown by.
Aside from the October through December fall and holidays months, April is my next favorite month. Maybe, it's because it's my birthday month, and I love to party and celebrate. Regardless of why, I think this particular April might be one of my overall favorites. Even with all the ups and downs, I have thoroughly enjoyed this month. Choosing to do this 30-day journey might just be the reason why this particular April has seemed so great.
For years now, I've been searching for a way back to how my relationship with God was as a young person. It was so carefree and spontaneous. I trusted deeply and believed fully that God's love was amazing. My inner relationship with Him was very different from what I was being taught it should be, and I didn't care. What I experienced was deeper than anything I had with any other human, and that's all that mattered.
Somewhere along life's journey into adulthood, I lost hope and I lost trust. I let the words and actions of others erode away at my thoughts and beliefs. I let those words and actions that were meant to tear me down do just that. I allowed myself to stay way too long in places I knew I didn't belong, and I accepted negative words that were said to me, and about me, and allowed them to take root in my heart and mind, and I settled into a belief around them - a belief that was untrue and damaging. This belief set the stage for much doubt and fear and a completely mistaken view of who God was and who He created me to be.
I realize now that my mistaken views about my identity is a big part of my lack of faith in the One who created me.
A few years ago, I was talking to one of my dearest friends and she pointed out one of my strengths (an interpersonal skill) she had observed and mentioned that it was a real gift. She then went on to say, "but I think you already know that." I got a little choked up because as she was talking I was searching my mind for ways to downplay it as if that wasn't all that important, but in that moment, I felt as if God was giving me a message that He hadn't lost faith in me even if I had lost faith in myself, and even if I had lost trust in Him.
That conversation was the start of something way bigger than I could have realized. It was a big step in my way back to belief.
The past 29 days in this month of April have shown me so many more things than I ever expected. Tomorrow, I will reflect on some of them.
Tonight, I'm going to rest in the fact that I am loved. No matter what I've done or what's been done to me, God's love is still there for me.
"Love never fails." - I Corinthians 13:8a
Processing. That's pretty much been my day ... a day filled with processing. A few hours ago, I thought for sure that with all the thoughts that have been running through my head today I would undoubtedly be able to make sense of something useful to share, but alas, I'm sitting here, and I've got nothing. Haha!
Do you ever find yourself like that with so many thoughts that keep running circles in your mind?
Since I'm lacking in sharing any one cohesive thought, maybe I'll just share some of what's been taking up all this space in my head today.
Here's a small list of just some of those things:
- Sorting out my schedule in a way that brings productivity and the ability to serve others more
- The idea that there is a huge spiritual shift (for good) happening in our world and much of it is happening outside the church (buildings)
- Hashing out my theory on the Divine design of our bodies and how some serious diseases are our bodies way of warning us and also keeping us safe/helping us survive
- Sharing and supporting in some small parts of others' healing journeys
- Getting clear on how I want to show up in the world and bring value to the lives of others
- Still contemplating the movie "Unsung Hero" we watched on Wednesday night and wondering how I can better apply some of those principles of faith in my own life
- Wondering how I can help one of our local networking groups make better connections in our community
Those were just the big things. It was very much like a ping-pong tournament in my head today bouncing from one thought process to another and back again. Some days are just like that, I suppose.
For now, I'm going to go grab my sleep aids and hope this brain shuts off so I can get some rest.
I was listening to a podcast earlier today as I often do. I've grown to love them and make them a part of my daily routine while getting ready. I tend to feel less prepared for the day without some sort of motivation or lesson to learn. Many of these have a faith-based element but all of them are incredibly inspirational and challenging. This one today is one I'll remember for awhile. It was Ed Mylett talking about fulfilling our potential. The entire episode was great, but the part that made the biggest impact was when he talked about our thoughts and how we listen to the wrong thoughts about ourselves so often. He then asked if we were listening as a wise person or as a wounded person.
WOW!
Let's just think about that for a minute because I think that can be applied to practically any situation in life. I think back to times when I didn't handle my pain well, when I stayed stuck and when I let it affect my relationships. I was very much listening to the thoughts in my head as a wounded person, not a wise person.
How often do we do that ... default to the wounded person mentality? Maybe we arrive at the wise person eventually, but what if we could start making the decision to stop for a minute with every situation and shift to the wise person?
It takes awhile to create a habit. Statistics show anywhere from 17 to 90 days, so this might be a process, but how much better would our lives be if we could finally get to the place of looking at every aspect from the wise person standpoint? and not just our lives, how much better could we make this world if we committed to living this out and helping others learn it as well?
Something to think about for sure. I'm definitely going to be working on it myself.
"But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all."
- James 1:5
Today was one of the most unique days I've had in awhile. I had planned for it to not go as planned (based on a normal weekday for me). However, there was still a plan, and yet, the day flowed as if it was still unpredictable of sorts.
There were several highlights of the day. Lots of little moments of excitement, joy, learning, a few ah-ha moments, and several little accomplishments from habits I've been working to form recently.
I wish I had time to share about everything, but I'm exhausted, so I'm just going to share about the biggest highlight, which was tonight.
Tonight, we had plans to go see the movie "Unsung Hero" with my son and daughter-in-law. I am always excited when we get to spend time with them because if you know either or both of them, you know they are a joy to be around. Plus, it's always great to hang out with your kid when you can.
Anyway, I had wanted to see this movie because I'm ALWAYS game for a good "true story" movie, but truthfully, I didn't know much of the back story details other than being familiar with the musicians (Rebecca St. James and For King & Country). I will not spoil this here because I believe it deserves to be seen by anyone and everyone with as much untouched anticipation as possible. The only thing I will say in regards to the movie (and the family's story) is that this is a story of the reality of life: a mixture of difficulties and miracles.
A friend shared this quote the other day on social media, and I think it sums up much of how I felt while watching this movie: “The whole world is a series of miracles, but we're so used to them we call them ordinary things.” - Hans Christian Andersen
I fear we miss the miracles because we have grown accustomed to those things showing up in our everyday lives, but when miracles are the only thing helping you survive, you notice them, and they have a huge impact on you.
This film was filled with some incredibly powerful moments and many of them were in the quiet conversations.
I could go on and on about all the ways this movie spoke to my heart and made me want to do better and BE better - the ways it inspired me to keep working toward my dreams and goals, but I promised I wouldn't spoil it.
If you want to be encouraged and inspired, just go watch it. God's handiwork is woven all throughout it.
"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
- Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
Do you love yourself?
While listening to a podcast earlier today, I was presented with this question.
I'd honestly never before thought about it that deeply until today. I don't recall it being taught in the communities in which I was involved most of my life. In recent years, I've heard it mentioned and even mentioned it myself, but I don't think I've really given it the type of consideration it needed.
I've heard it taught often about ways to learn to accept yourself as you are/were created to be or as God sees you, but if you really think about it, if we accept ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us, then won't we find the epitome of true love in that?
I considered for a second why this isn't taught more often. The only thing I could think of was that maybe there is a fear of becoming conceited or a concern that we might say something that encourages others to become egotistical and self-absorbed, but that has nothing to do with true love. Just take a look at what true love is:
"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It does not dishonor other people. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people’s wrongs. Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up."
- I Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIrV)
Some would argue that God (or the Bible) never directly states that we should love ourselves. Maybe not in those exact words, but scripture is riddled with verses about love all throughout it. Most of those talk about how God loves us. Why would God love us but require something different from us? I don't believe He does. There are also multiple mentions of how we should love others as ourselves. Those verses literally state the assumption that we should or would naturally love ourselves. Certainly, we wouldn't be asked to love someone in a way that was lacking, right?
So today, as my mind was racing through all these thoughts and recalling verses I've learned about love, I decided to put this into practice for a minute. I went to the mirror and looked myself in the eye and said, "I love you." It felt weird. BUT I did it again, and again until it started to feel like I was saying it to one of my closest friends or family members.
You should try it. I'm curious how it might impact you.
I think I'm going to continue to practice it until it feels just right.
