Do you love yourself?
While listening to a podcast earlier today, I was presented with this question.
I'd honestly never before thought about it that deeply until today. I don't recall it being taught in the communities in which I was involved most of my life. In recent years, I've heard it mentioned and even mentioned it myself, but I don't think I've really given it the type of consideration it needed.
I've heard it taught often about ways to learn to accept yourself as you are/were created to be or as God sees you, but if you really think about it, if we accept ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us, then won't we find the epitome of true love in that?
I considered for a second why this isn't taught more often. The only thing I could think of was that maybe there is a fear of becoming conceited or a concern that we might say something that encourages others to become egotistical and self-absorbed, but that has nothing to do with true love. Just take a look at what true love is:
"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It does not dishonor other people. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people’s wrongs. Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up."
- I Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIrV)
Some would argue that God (or the Bible) never directly states that we should love ourselves. Maybe not in those exact words, but scripture is riddled with verses about love all throughout it. Most of those talk about how God loves us. Why would God love us but require something different from us? I don't believe He does. There are also multiple mentions of how we should love others as ourselves. Those verses literally state the assumption that we should or would naturally love ourselves. Certainly, we wouldn't be asked to love someone in a way that was lacking, right?
So today, as my mind was racing through all these thoughts and recalling verses I've learned about love, I decided to put this into practice for a minute. I went to the mirror and looked myself in the eye and said, "I love you." It felt weird. BUT I did it again, and again until it started to feel like I was saying it to one of my closest friends or family members.
You should try it. I'm curious how it might impact you.
I think I'm going to continue to practice it until it feels just right.
We are only about a week away from the end of this month, and what a month it has been! I've seen some of the craziest of days all in a few short weeks - some incredible highs and some unfortunate lows.
The lows are frustrating, aren't they? I sometimes wonder why they happen, but I also wonder if my thoughts and actions further them along sometimes. I think it's possible.
Regardless, I think every person tries to make sense of the painful moments in life. Sometimes, we make perfect sense of it. Sometimes, we never do, and other times, it can take years to find some sense in all of it. Often, this creates a doubt in our minds as to whether God exists.
I'm not here to debate the existence of God. I grew up being taught and believing in His existence. Then, in moments when I couldn't make sense of my pain, I grew closer and closer to agnosticism for years, not really caring whether He existed or not. Now, in recent years and because of my own personal experiences and encounters, I've come to believe in His existence again because of what I've experienced. My viewpoints in many areas have shifted a bit, but my faith is strong in the fact that I've seen enough evidence of a supreme spiritual being caring for me, that I do believe.
I can't always explain how or why my beliefs are what they are today, but I came across this quote by C.S. Lewis that I thought was relevant and really thought-provoking:
"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?"
I won't try to convince anyone of God's existence, but rather, I challenge you to seek for yourself. Ask Him to reveal life-giving moments to you. Look for miracles. Look for the depth of beauty around you. Look for opportunities to show and receive love. Consider from where all these good gifts come.
For me, I try to seek those things often. I've chosen to live out my experiences and share some of those experiences from time to time. This month has been a reminder to me of just how important that is. I'm grateful for the reminder.
May little pieces of hope and encouragement find its way to you through my journey.
"So encourage one another with the hope you have. Build each other up. In fact, that’s what you are doing." - I Thessalonians 5:11 (NIrV)
God is good.
That is what I contemplated all day today.
The weekend was rough. I still have a lot to process around it, especially my surprise reactions to it all.
For the past several years, I have had a very good handle on what has been known to trigger me. (Personally, I hate using that word because I believe it has become quite a bit over-used these days, but for lack of something better, that is what it was.) I've been so proud of myself for not letting those types of things have a deep negative effect on me anymore. However, sometimes, things just come out of the blue from places you least expect and the unexpected has a way of tripping us up.
This past weekend, I tripped hard.
I let the unintentional words and actions from someone cut deep. Yes, the words could have been softer or left unsaid, but it was through this experience that I realized there were more layers to unpack in this healing journey of mine.
I'm extremely grateful when these situations can be reconciled - another evidence that more healing is taking place.
A friend shared that she reminds herself that "this is the pain of healing, not the pain of repeating trauma" and I found that so comforting. The pain can trick us into thinking that the action of the trauma is still there even if it's years in the past.
Healing can be a beautiful dance, though, even with its ups and downs, if we can stay focused on the healing part. However, when we lose that focus and zero in on nothing but the trauma, it's like dancing with 2 left feet or a broken leg ... clumsy and awkward with ample opportunities for some serious bumps and bruises.
In those moments when we lose focus on the path, I'm grateful that comfort is there for us if we surround ourselves with a good support system.
For myself, I've found that God brings comfort during these times in so many ways ... through friends, through prayer, through gentle reminders in nature, through reconciliation and through courage to sit and cry as well as strength to rise again.
"He gives strength to the weary, And to the one who lacks might He increases power." - Isaiah 40:29
I'm writing Day 20 a little bit late. Days 19 & 20 were rough days, so I don't have a lot to write other than to say I'm grateful. I'm grateful for so many things. Here are just a few of those:
Friends and family who care, love, pray and support
Lessons learned and the healing power available to each of us to utilize in our lives
The ability to reconcile with yourself and others when things get off track
A God who brings comfort and peace in the midst of turmoil
"Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort" - II Corinthians 1:3 (AMP)
Today did not go as planned at all. It got severely interrupted when I got a card alert about a transaction (a rather large Taco Bell delivery order in Chicago) that got placed on my account, of which I did not place. I immediately opened the card app and locked the card but the $34.08 was already pending. That took me down an almost 2-hr path of trying to contact that Taco Bell location (with no success), changing passwords as fast as I could, trying to contact Taco Bell corporate (also with no success), contacting the card company, and you know the drill if you've ever experienced something like this.
So there I was having spent almost 2 hours of my day in a way that I just didn't expect to spend it - angry, frustrated, irritated, and all up in my head about all of it. Finally, when I got everything all sorted out sufficiently for the immediate need at hand, I attempted to finish getting ready, but man, was it ever hard not to want to keep ranting and whining about it. I was almost ready to head out, while still fuming, when my husband said ...
"They already stole your money. Don't let them steal your day."
I stopped. He was right. What could I really do other than what I was already doing to correct what happened, try to recover my money (if possible) and protect myself from anything else happening?
As I was leaving, it made me think about all the many times in my life when detrimental choices were made for me or I was forced to conform to something that went against my values and beliefs, when I was controlled, manipulated, lied to and gossiped about, misunderstood and judged. It's a very unsettling place to be when we experience any of this, and it's downright scary to feel like things are outside our control.
I began to think of all the people I know who have experienced similar painful life-altering situations. My empathy began to take over, and I was both angry and sorrowful that people have ever had to experience such painful situations in their life. It definitely feels unfair when you're an innocent victim of someone else's poor choices.
Truthfully, I haven't always responded in the best way to those negative situations - with good reason, but still, for MY OWN good, my responses in those moments could have been better. You may be thinking the same about your own situations.
So I have to ask ... What are we letting someone else willfully steal from us?
I didn't willfully let some random stranger steal a large Taco Bell lunch from me, but I was letting them steal my joy and peace.
I've come to find in recent years that protecting my peace is of high importance to me, and in order to be able to do that, I must release what I can't control.
"Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." - Psalm 34:14 (NASB)
