Since my body is still trying to fight this head cold/headache, I took a break from writing on Day 5.
However, over the past few days, my mind has been racing with all kinds of thoughts. Truthfully, I feel a little scatter-brained at the moment. :-)
My thoughts have been all over the map thinking about my past and how much I've reconciled of that (for which I'm incredibly grateful), but also, I think of the questions that still remain. I also think of the many people who haven't yet been able to reconcile their past circumstances with their present life, and ultimately, with a loving God who is guiding and perfecting them because of and in spite of past circumstances.
It is so difficult to see a loving God in painful situations. Even if our very core beliefs won't let us let go of the idea that God exists and cares for us, it's still a balancing act of confusion and frustration and sometimes anger and exhaustion.
I feel those thoughts and feelings deeply. Even though I can now see God more through a loving lens, there are so many questions left unanswered from past situations and relationships. The proverbial "why?" still comes up quite often at times.
Have you ever been told not to ask "why?" of God? I've heard teachings all too often that stated we shouldn't question God. I find that interesting because a quick search of scripture gives hundreds of instances where people all throughout history asked God, "why?"
I'm no Bible scholar, but that gives me a pretty big indication that it is completely normal to ask God "why?" I can't promise the answers will come quickly or neatly wrapped for us, but I do believe the answers will be shown as we are ready to receive them.
How do we know we're ready to receive the answers? I can't answer that for anyone, perhaps not even for myself. However, I think a good place to start might be by keeping a heart and mind open to the idea that anything is possible.
One of my favorite verses (that I was actually made to memorize as a teenager) has continued to stick with me and has been a comfort when trying to remember the heart of who God is ...
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - II Timothy 1:7
Power, love and a sound mind ... all gifts from God. I think it might be safe to say that anything that tries to fill our spirit with something contrary to that is deception and lies.
Thank you for this series I am sorry it's taking me so long to get through but I genuinely appreciate it!
Thank you for being willing to share some of your story here. As you utilize the strength God has given you in that sound mind, I pray that you can find more of the healing and answers that you seek.