I did not expect to go deep during these 30 days, but in the past few days, all the details of my life seem to be colliding. It's as if all the pieces have been dumped into a giant pile much like dumping a 1000-piece puzzle onto the table. I'm much more accustomed to finding that "next piece" one piece at a time as it fits neatly into the space I was seeking to fill. This pile of pieces being thrown out there for me to sort through has been a bit different to experience. Still, I'm here for it, and I'm ready to sort.
I really don't know what to do with all I've been given in these past few days. So many questions have found answers and so much peace exists in it all, even in the midst of sharing from a difficult place and perspective about painful situations.
This past week, I've found a renewed and strengthened passion around my purpose and values, and I've discovered courage I didn't know existed within me.
In it all, I have seen the goodness of God repeatedly ... in processing pain, in sharing some of that pain, in gratefulness, in frustration, in confusion, in so many countless ways. I haven't always seen the goodness of God in the pain, or maybe, I just haven't recognized it all that much until now.
I've found this principle of life to be true ... what we seek, we find. If we are looking for (expecting) to find negativity, we'll find negativity. If we are expecting blessings, we'll find blessings. This doesn't mean that negativity doesn't exist outside of our mindset. There are certainly the influences of darkness in motion, but I've come to realize in several instances over the past several years and increasingly so this past week, that if I seek light in a dark situation, I'll find light.
I wish I could go back to some of my darkest days with the mindset I now have. I think hope would have been more prevalent in my life. Although, truthfully, I can look back to some of those moments where hope WAS present and see how it saved me in that moment.
I'm learning that God's love and goodness is limitless, despite any circumstances we face. Even when it feels like the situation is crushing us, God's goodness is still present. It may look like the hand of a stranger helping or a shoulder of a friend to cry on or a last-minute rescue in a moment of panic or a kind word or prayers in a time of need or so many other possibilities, but we can and will see it if we are willing to look for it.
"But whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God, the Creator of all light, and he shines forever without change or shadow."
- James 1:17 (TLB)
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